Most of the restaurants in Portland Maine are obnoxiously hip and fancy. But there is this one restaurant there called Tu Casas and it has the worst service and it is a little dingy, but the food is delicious and affordable and the fried plantains are so good they will make you cry out in a ways that sounds sexual.
Still, the service is unbelievably bad. Never forget that. I mean, it will take them a while to take your order then even longer to bring your food and your waiter or waitress will not be friendly about it.
I used to love calling the place. The phone would ring for a long time. Then finally a teenager would pick up.
“Yes,” he would say.
“Is this Tu Casas?”
“Can I order something?”
No reply. Maybe a grunt.
I’d order a beef burrito usually.
“Alright,” the kid would say.
More silence. Monk-like silence.
“When will it be ready?” I’d ask.
And that would be a lie. I’d wait an hour, then pick up my burrito and usually it there even though I had ordered it to go.